The stress of doing nothing

Officially spending a month into summer break, I came to realize something unexpected: taking a rest feels more overwhelming than studying

The day I packed all my things and left campus for the airport, I imagined mornings without alarms and days that I only had to think about where to hang out instead of deadlines. For the first few weeks of summer break, everything happened exactly as I envisioned. I hung out with friends, traveled with my family, and slept in entirely doing absolutely nothing Then the guilt showed up. At first, I couldn't name the feeling. It didn't come because anyone put stress on me or told me that I was wasting my time. There were no teachers rushing me to finish homework, and neither did my parents convince me to finish some internships before August. But every time I slept in until noon or even the afternoons, I felt empty and unrealistic.The thought of needing to do something productive took control of my brain, and I would sometimes open my laptop just to convince myself that I was actually working on something, even if I had absolutely nothing to do. Talking to friends, I realized I wasn't the only one. Many of them expressed that they felt guilty because they weren't studying for standardized tests and worried as they assumed everyone else was building perfect resumes while they were purely enjoying summer. We all tried shifting our attention, spending endless time scrolling through social media, though it didn't help at all. The deep sense of guilt exacerbated with every post featuring someone enrolling in a prestigious program or launching an impressive project. Summer, a season once full of joy and meant for recharging, had somehow become an endless competition. On top of that common numbness, many of us started evaluating our worth by our accomplishments. As students in an ever more competitive era, me and my peers constantly move from one deadline to another. Our schedules are often piled with tests, essays, applications for leadership positions, and extracurricular programs. Those are definitely achievements to be proud of. Whenever someone asks ‘what's up lately’, the answer ‘Same, still busy’ always sounds like the proof that we're forcing ourselves hard enough. But why do we have to show diligent work to be gregarious? I finally noticed this from my personal experience. Now that I stopped producing, I can't even explain why I would start questioning my own value. Vacations are not designed simply for the absence of schoolwork. They offer us the chance to recover from constant pressure. In fact, we don't even need any reasons to take a rest. It's not something we necessarily have to earn. It's a right and motivation to do what is meaningful to ourselves instead of pretending to others.

Ironically, some of my best inspirations didn't come while staring at a screen or under great pressure. They have appeared during casual walks, chatting with my friends, or even when I'm simply sitting and doing nothing. Leaving spaces in our mind is not a hindrance of productivity. It reminded me why I enjoy learning from the start. As students, it is inevitable for us to experience burnout and to have a lot to do. But another important lesson is to stop feeling guilty when we rest and to confidently embrace ourselves just for being ourselves. So if you're somewhere that didn't exactly go through a seemingly perfect curated list of accomplishments, it is fine. Until school starts again, perhaps the most meaningful thing we can do is to give ourselves permission to take a break–without apologizing for it.